Thank you Bethel! Your comment means alot. I usually struggle with narrative, even in short form such as poetry, happy I was able to weave something you found beautiful!
I'm sorry to hear that Mary. I'm happy I was able to provide a space for you to share this and it's your support that made me comfortable enough to share this. Thank you again for your comments as always.
Thanks Paul! This is such high praise coming from you that you don't even know how much it means to me. I definitely spent the longest time on that ending line so I'm happy it hit the mark. Also congratulations on quitting! I know it wasn't easy.
Wow...this is well crafted. I loved the way it sounded as I read it aloud. The shape is also gorgeous. I also just enjoyed the ride it took me on. So many twists and turns! Keep it up.
Beautiful and painful. "clear oxygen/ fighting for a place in line" is such a perfect ending.
Thank you for your comment Margaret. Very happy that line stood out.
Wow hugely powerful.
Thanks David!
So evocative--what a control over language and the emotions and narrative it weaves. Beautiful work here, Daniel!
Thank you Bethel! Your comment means alot. I usually struggle with narrative, even in short form such as poetry, happy I was able to weave something you found beautiful!
^_^
"I see stubble cigars in the ashtray"
Camel straights took my father. I was 16. Thanks for offering this connection today, Daniel. I appreciate your work.
I'm sorry to hear that Mary. I'm happy I was able to provide a space for you to share this and it's your support that made me comfortable enough to share this. Thank you again for your comments as always.
That final line “clear oxygen
fighting for a place in line” did me in, Daniel, the finality of it—also made me glad I quit smoking. Well done, Daniel!
Thanks Paul! This is such high praise coming from you that you don't even know how much it means to me. I definitely spent the longest time on that ending line so I'm happy it hit the mark. Also congratulations on quitting! I know it wasn't easy.
Wow...this is well crafted. I loved the way it sounded as I read it aloud. The shape is also gorgeous. I also just enjoyed the ride it took me on. So many twists and turns! Keep it up.
Thanks Mike! Spent a while on the form and enjambments so I'm happy the final product resonated with you so much.